The Magic of 3 words "I LOVE YOU"
I travel 3 hrs to cover the distance that separates us. I spend the time reminiscing our old days............the magic her presence would create, the never ending talks, our silly fights, her unconditional love showered on me, our bonding over trying new recipes, our venting out anger on known-unknown, the list goes endless when you have spent every hour of your 26 yrs of life with her. That's my MOM- in-fact every Mom.
She is dying, cancer is winning her. I spend each day with her, shadows of death looming on her. But the dilemma, I don't- even for a second realize I am losing her. That thought cannot cross my mind. That's impossible. The only thought I have- she is unwell, she will live a long life, she will be beside me and we will
making many memories together.
I sit beside her, comforting her lean and frail body against the hard medications. Small talk with interludes of silence, just staring at one another. Declaring our love with words seemed feeble. I see the look in her eyes- my small baby has grown up. I hate this look. It makes me feel she wants satisfaction to leave peacefully. How can I give her that? I am selfish, I need you, I want you. I am not ready. We are not ready. Don't give up Mom, please.
She is tired. She wants to leave. I wonder what can I do to motivate her. What she wants, what she needs, my mind cooks up many things. I do all that which makes her happy. She laughs- a frail squeal- as if she is enjoying. I know she is in pain. Her body wants to give, her mind is not ready.
Finally, the body wins. She smiles and vanishes into thin air. My Mom is just a body- the doctors say. Who are they to name my Mom "Biva" as a body? I can't take it. I hug her one last time. Can I preserve her and keep with her? I can hold her whenever I want, I can see her, touch her, feel her. Can I, Please? No says the world, she must go.
Have I let her go yet? I am not sure. All I want to say, never wait for the best time to express your love and care to anyone. Don't let ill health, bad experience, loss, etc be the time when you show your affection. Life is short, make every moment worth living for your loved ones. Show your affection, whenever you feel like. No moment is a wrong moment to say "I LOVE YOU".