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Mixed Emotions


There are few days when I go through all emotions in a day- anticipation, love, hate, hurt, empathy, loss, gratitude, fear, anger and motivation. And today was one such day.


I woke up with anticipation looking forward to the day. Had planned it well - finish few household work, kick start my volunteering journey with Bhumi- something which I always wanted to do full fledged, spend some quality time with deferentially-abled kids at Sports event and end the day having coffee with a friend.


However, sometimes you know something is not gonna be right today. I always wonder why is intuition strong over negativity in life?? Does it perceive negativity that's round the corner or misfortune befall because I think negative? Its like whether chicken first or egg !!


So, I finished household work as per plan- well begun is half done they say. Yes half way through, a simple whats app status update "Happy Mother's day to all the selfless souls whose sole existence is for their kids" played havoc to my mind. The loss, the hurt, the anger, the hate and the fear, all emotions which were a moment ago elusive, came rushing within with a full blow. Losing my mom, anger on why did it happen, the hurt and anger on why is my life devoid of this blessing and the fear of getting drowned again- How the subtlest of feelings can effect you, it proved! And there I lost control of my scooty and fell flat injuring my right feet, knee and elbow. Uff !!


The flash with which these emotions came gushing.....with the same flicker they vanished. Someone had said to me "We are like lions, we don't stop". Was I proving to him or to myself or to the world around, when I picked myself up and drove back back home, I will never know! But I was determined. Few drops are ok, I said to myself, cleaned my wound, had lunch and hit the bed, thinking I cannot embark on volunteering journey again.


A call jolted me "Hey the orientation can happen still, come over". Without giving a thought to my state, I dressed up and here I ended up having one of the best days of my life. The team I met, the people I met today, I felt so much gratitude towards them. There are people out there, who are selfless without any blood relations, without any connect, why am I sad for that which is not meant to be. I value these kids and people who make life worth living! I am alive, I can feel. Its overwhelming with love and empathy being able to connect with people. How our subtle contribution can effect their life, we all might be aware. But how sincerely we embark on this journey is a food for thought.


And with this motivation, I sealed the day with some interesting discussions over a cup of cold coffee with my friend, planning ahead with another anticipation.....I will leave that for another blog :)


Push yourself beyond your comfort zone, keep moving. When you try something new, chances are that you will hit roadblocks and may not even know what you are up to. On top of that people might ridicule you and try to discourage. All of that is part of learning. Use that as a challenge to improve your techniques and skills. Once you become better, world will eventually respect you for your persistence.


Signing off, have a great week ahead :)

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